Saturday, June 24, 2006

questioning the sanity of the supreme being ...

WARNING: The following post is full of heretical, if not apostate, conjectures and wonderings. Proceed at your own risk.

What if God is crazy? I don't mean crazy as "wild and crazy." I mean as in "clinically insane." As in "stark raving mad." As in "looney tunes." As in "bats in the belfry." As in "completely and utterly bonkers."

Maybe he's bipolar and he's both God and Satan. Two sides of the same coin. One side is the benevolent, loving, and caring supreme being. The other side is malicious, mean and malevolent. It would explain a lot, no? Like the whole "Why would God allow (fill in the blank) to happen?" thing.

Maybe He's just a bit schizophrenic? it might be the reason that God, in the Old Testament, was the fiery eye-for-an-eye diety, while in the New Testament, he's the kind-hearted, love-thy-neighbor guy.

Multiple personality disorder would also explain the whole three-in-one manifestation, how God is the Father, Son AND Holy Ghost, while also still being just the one God. Maybe that's why prayers are answered sometimes, but not others — we're addressing our pleas to the wrong personality that's currently manifested.

Maybe that's why there are so many splinter cells of Christianity, or one-god-as-supreme-being religions in general out there. Maybe that's why he doesn't manifest himself regularly, as he seemed to do fairly often in the Old Testament — he's just stretched too thin by the teeming masses of humanity cluttering up the globe, who are a constant strain, always asking for help and guidance and miracles.

And yes, I'm well aware that I'll be going to hell. In fact, I've been assured that I'm taking the express train — no waiting, no stops, business class. I'm pretty sure there's a middle-management position waiting for me too. I'll see what I can do too hook up my fellow sinners when you guys get down there with me.

In Chamorro, the phrase for "thank you" is "si Yu'us ma'ase," which literally translates as "the mercy of God."


Anonymous said...

Very smart? How presumptuous!

I like your blog!
Raw Pig
Jeff Garra
Jeff's Space

Everything Nice said...

yes, agreed. yes, agreed. yes, agreed.....

I think I may be there before you :)... want me to save you a seat?

LUVUMS for this post D.

Golf and poker golf and poker
golf and poker :D

I'll be working in the yard today :( blah.

Pyrhonik said...

I think the reason there is so many flavors of basically the same religion out there is because they are all created by people..............where does a guy send you his resume, I'm guessing you're gonna need some flunkies to manage that strip joint in hell!

Madame X said...

What if...there is no God?!?!?!

Pyrhonik you know that if there is a stip joint in hell the only dancer you'll ever get to see will bear a remarkable resemblance to your mom!

Pyrhonik said...

O that is a nasty visual.

Now I'm gonna need therapy.

terry said...

i'm with MX: maybe he doesn't exist.

i tend to think he/she/it doesn't.

and yeah, i'll be hanging with y'all down below. i'll make the cocktails.

Madame X said...

Sorry pryhonik but it is HELL after all.

Oh and call SHOTTY on the recliner next to Satan!

Pyrhonik said...

Madame X it certainly is.

Terry: I've heard of decorating a cock with rings, but "tails"?

snavy said...

I think you are brilliant!!

This all makes perfect sense to me.

Should I be worried??

Jon said...

I'll bring the bratworst and the roasting sticks. Save me a seat and a cold one.

DZER said...

jeff: I'm all all presumptiveness

EN: sure ... and make sure my office has air conditioning! always good to have friends in hot places ... I hope it means you won't be wearing much ;)

pyrhonik: I'll find ya ... I have extensive contacts ;)

madame x: faith and begorrah!

pyrhonik: is yer mom hot? *gets dollar bills ready*

terry: if god doesn't exist, then wouldn't hell also not exist?

madame x: I'll talk to the big red guy and see what I can do for you ... you'll be hard-pressed to bump Hitler and Stalin from the close spots!

snavy: thanks for sucking up in advance! and I don't think you'll make it down there ;)

jon: sounds like a plan!